Shelby Cass’s Weblog

Ah…I shy away from the blog when it’s important…don’t know why.  And this is important, so of course I ignored the blog for 2 weeks because that would make it all too real.  Unfortunately, it’s still real whether I write about it or not, so here I am.  Writing.  And tomorrow, I get surged.  Again.

Last update I found out the 34.8 sleep index and broke Dr. Li’s eardrum with profanities (ok really just one profanity).  The following Monday I had a meeting with Dr. Li and this is how it went:

Dr. Li enters room “Shelby!  How ya doin’?”

“I’m good.  Tired…”  Sad look.

Dr. Li gets out his fave tools and stretches my nostrils to see into my airway.  Then shines the light down my throat and turns his back to me.  He looks at my pictures on his computer and I turn around in the chair and say “Whatcha thinkin’?”  And he mooshes his face like an unhappy muppet and I say “Don’t make the muppet face!  Are you thinking ‘reverse Stanford Protocol’?”  To which he nods…and still has his lips all pressed shut.  “UPPP? I ask.”  “No, I don’t do that” he says.  “You keep your uvula.”  “So I can still speak French?”  He stops a sec…and smiles.  “Exactly.  So you can still speak French.”  “‘Cause that’s important” I say.

He explained to me what he would do: the tonsils and the soft palate lift thingamabopper.  I ask “You going to take my adenoids?”  “You don’t have adenoids” he says.  “Oh.  I didn’t know that.  Why not?”  “You don’t have adenoids ever since you became…a girl.”  I paused.  “Hm.  I never knew girls didn’t have adenoids.”  “Everyone has adenoids, but they shrink when you hit puberty.”  Another pause and I say, “I think you should know, I was born a girl.”  He looks sideways at me and shakes his head.

As we are parting ways, I tell Dr. Li I am so stressed about this whole thing I found a white hair IN MY EYEBROW.  And he looks up at my face and says “I see that.  I think you have more than that ONE.”  Smart ass.  So I hit him…on the left arm.  And I am sorry if it affects his surgery, but he deserved it.  I happen to have ONE white hair on my head that I see every so often when I part my hair a certain way and that was IT until the rogue eyebrow hair.

Anyway, I went out to the front desk and found out they could get me in on the 16th of July so they whisked me back into the office for my pre-op.  I figure I’m sofa city sweetheart until I get this fixed, so sooner is better than later if I want my bed back.  Dr. Li gave me my prescriptions and all that jazz and said to me “With this surgery…AND you losing more weight…I will get you and Courtland in the same bed.”  That’s a mighty promise since we’re kind of spoiled with our 2 queens pushed up next to each other…but same room would suit me juuuuuust fine!  As we shook hands, I looked at Dr. Li’s full head of hair and said “I’m pretty sure you have WAY more gray than I do.”  And he stood there for a sec, mid-shake, then said “I can’t say anything.  You’re right.”  w00t!

So, tomorrow morning 5:30 am check in and 7:30am surging.  Tonsils out, soft palate lifted, and screws from chin removed…I stay one night and then go home for 3 weeks of a wicked sore throat and then…  dare to dream …sleep.

Nighty night.

First of all, I had my sleep study.  And I wanted to share, as is my nature

That was Sunday night.  Monday I was TIRED.  I did dream a lot so I know I slept, but sheesh, I was awake more than asleep that’s for sure.  On Monday morning when the tech was removing the electrodes and as much glue as possible from my head, I asked “Can you tell me if I had any events?  He paused and said “You had a lot of hypopneas.  Well, that explained the headaches and the fatigue, but I figured it still had to be TONS better than before my surgery, right?

Had my preliminary study faxed to Dr. Li who called me on my way to work on Thursday morning.  Here’s the conversation (on my headset of course):

DL: Shelby, this is Dr. Li!

me: Yes.  Hi Dr. Li.  How are you?

DL: Shelby.  You still have sleep apnea!

me: Can I swear?

DL: Yes

me: F***************CK!  Ok thank you.

And then we went on to talk about things like me coming in to see him on Monday at 3:30 and him looking at my airway to see if tonsils need to come out.  And he also said “Shelby, I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear.”  I said “I have to wear the freaking machine.”  He said “No.  You have to lose weight.”  And I said I’ve never had a problem with hearing that.  And he said “Yes you did!  We were fighting!…Oh wait, oh yeah, we were fighting because…”  And I said “Yes.  We were fighting because you said Courtland was leaving me for a younger model.”  And he said “Oh yeah.  Ok.  So: More sushi, less pasta.”

I went to work and was sad.  Not because of the sushi prescription which I could do in a hearbeat, but because…what do you mean I still have sleep apnea?  Then again, now I know why I kept looking at Court on the weekends and saying “I don’t know what it is, I could just sleep all day.

On my way home I called Dr. Li’s office and asked Daisy…or Juanita (I cannot remember who had to bear the bad news) what my number was.  I figured if it was originally 43 (when I had zero body fat because I was dying) it should be at least down to 20 or something post surgery (yes I know I’m a big girl right now)…but I was NOT prepared for the number: 34.8

That’s all I have to say.  Until after Monday when Dr. Li looks at my airway I cannot deal.

Keep in mind I am happier and healthier than I have ever been…so even this cannot change that.  Have a wonderful and safe 4th of July! I’m BBQing some ribs with Court and Cynthia and David’s coming over later.  We’ve got Lego Indiana Jones on the Wii and the sun is out.  Plenty to keep my mind of Suckfest 2008…but hey…maybe if he removes my tonsils I’ll lose weight *giggle*

I added Wall*E into my subject just because Court and I got to see it twice before it hit the theaters and just think it is adorable.

So, braces.  I don’t have them.  But I do have a retainer which has me investing in large quantities of denture cleaner.  Alas, my back left teeth still do not touch, so Dr. Quo added a couple “buttons” and I now wear a rubber band waaaay back there.  I look gooood putting it on.  Buttons are really just brackets.  I had issues with them, but I got over it.  It’s a bit of maneavering to get the retainer on OVER the buttons, but I pretend it’s a puzzle and that I am challenging my pre frontal cortex.  I so smart.

Sleep.  I’ve slept better.  But then again, I’ve slept much worse for years before now so you would think that I could be grateful for the sleep I get…and I am!  Believe me!  But I’ve been getting tired.  And Monday was the last straw.  First of all, the reason I got diagnosed at all was because Courtland kept saying he was so tired and he didn’t know why.  So I started noticing that although he thinks he’s a heavy sleeper (and he LOOKS like a heavy sleeper when he’s asleep), he actually wakes up a little every time I woke up and moved. You know how you can tell someone is just in light and not deep sleep if they move?  Well, I would wake up, move, and then he would move.  So I moved into a different room and after about a week, lo and behold, he was far less sleepy.  Over the past few months we have been getting more and more tired and blamed it on everything.  The cold, the heat, the noise, the silence, the cats, and had resorted to blaming all the smoke in the area from California being on fire.  I suspected bad things because I started having bad dreams (you know, shot in the gut, left to bleed to death, car stolen, the usual) and woke up snoring a few times (sooo attractive), and on Monday morning driving into work I was so sad to realise that I really wanted to pull over to the side of the road and take a nap.  It just would feel so good!  So I called Dr. Li and they got in me in to see him.

Of course seeing Dr. Li just makes the whole world disappear and it’s just me and him and my stupid jaw…did I metnion we were in a fight?  I saw him a few weeks ago for a follow up (I know, I know, should I have mentioned my fatigue then?  Shush.  I figured he’d just tell me I was fat – using different words) and the FIRST thing he said as he burst into the room was “When’s the wedding?”  WTF?  Well, we moved past that random topic and chit chatted about stuff, then on his way out he said “Maybe he’s looking for a younger model.”  Okay.  WAR.  I told the entire office.  But when I went in last week all miserable and tired he poked his head in the door and said “Are we still fighting?” and I decided it wasn’t worth it to be mad at him. So I said no.  And then we back to normal and he stuck things up my nose and peered into my throat and said he needed another sleep study.  I asked what that would show and he said he wanted to know if I still had some apnea and if so, then he wanted to figure out how to get rid of it.  Really?  There may be other options before turning into Gonzo every night for the rest of my life?  He said yes, for startes, you still have your tonsils.  *gulp*  I don’t know how I feel about any of this.  Maybe it was the heat cold cats smoke and I don’t have any sleep apnea and this is all just a false alarm in my wanna be drama queen life.  We shall see.

For now I am going to go take a shower and mentally prepare myself for the wonderful gluing of electrodes to my entire scalp and please oh please do not let them put that tube down my nose into my throat.  Sleep well out there!

I am the Burninator. Let me tell you why. The roof of my mouth is numb. I’m kind of in denial I guess about exactly HOW numb it is, because a few weeks ago I had my first post-surgery hard candy and was shocked at how weird it felt in my mouth. It basically pointed out every single numb spot it hit by spontaneously disappearing when I moved it over one. So..I’m numb. Whatever. Wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Would do the surgery again if transported back in time and just got diagnosed with sleep apnea. That does not, however, make me a smart person. No. Far from.

A few days ago Courtland and I felt the need to visit the golden arches. We usually split one meal plus extra sandwich so as to offset some of the guilt we feel towards our waistlines after dining. There was a new sandwich advertised all over the place. The new Southwestern Chicken Sandwich. And after ordering it, I found out that “Southwestern” means 2 pickles and no sauce. So now you know. Anywho, after powering down my half of the fresh from the fryer fries, I dug into said sandwich and watched enviously as Court devoured his Quarter Pounder. I couldn’t help it. I asked for a bite. And after that tasty taste, I offered him a bite of mine which he accepted. He leaned over the table, took a bite, and let out a howl as the bite dropped out of his mouth. “It’s HOT!” Hm.. I hadn’t noticed.

I took another bite and observed how I expertly re-routed all too-hot bits to the roof of my mouth until suitable for chewing. Interesting. I ate the rest of my sammie and would probably not have remembered the entire incident except later in the evening, when I swapped my day retainer for my night one, my tongue touched the roof of my mouth and I thought, “THAT doesn’t feel right.” I had to think a moment about why the roof of my mouth felt literally torn up until I remembered…and then I looked…and oooh baby. I think that’s what they call 3rd degree burns. Yeah? Yucky blisters? I am the Burninator. Numb, evidently = Dumb.

I’m so glad I wrote about the sleep apnea surgery I had…because I keep learning every day that it helps people…even in the littlest ways. Like, just letting them know someone’s been there, done that… The other day I received a comment on a very old post from a guy about to have the same MMA/GA I had who, it turns out, works down the street from where I live. He asked if I would mind meeting him for lunch sometime, so of course I said yes. I mean, I kind of had to. He caught all my Morrissey references. Did you?

So, we met at Luna’s…I never say no to Mexican food, and well, John is awesome…and I am so excited for him. Not because he’s getting surged (though it’s by the amazing Dr. Li so I’m not at all worried), but that he’s going to start his healing journey soon…and I look forward to hearing or reading all about it. We talked about the “chin bonus” of the surgery, but overall, we just talked about life with sleep apnea and the things that will most likely change when it fades into the background. John is also a mashup king and had made me 2 discs of his faves. Super score!

I did take a picture…and I can look at it on my camera, but my computer no likee, so you no see. Sorry. I’ll check with John and if he’s cool with it, I’ll mention his blog next entry. He’s writing his blog in letters to mom format which I think is awesome. (If only my mom would get online EVER. Court and I gave her my old computer but so far I think it’s probably being used as a stool for her to sit on.)

I saw hottie Dr. Steve yesterday and he polished up my theethses all nice and squeaky clean. He has a Shelby too. Have I mentioned that? Well, we all think it’s funny. They just had a baby (8 weeks ago) so I got to hear all about it. My teeth still don’t touch in the back on the left and I am really bummed about that, because I’m pretty sure it means more things attached to my teeth. grr arg.

This is more rambly than usual. Don’t know why. Guess the brain is here and there and occasionally pitches in a word or two.

I just got a picture today from some friends who had us over a little while ago. I think I might like it. What do you think? Here it is.

(taken by Sumul Shah )

A couple weeks ago I saw Dr. Li who took a measurement of my jaw opening and found it was 30mm!!! So very nice. He said he thinks it will get better too. We had our usual bantering conversation…and then I asked, “When is my chin going to stop hurting?”

Pause. “What do you mean?”

I pointed to my chin point (courtesy of Dr. Li) and said, “It hurts here when you push on it. And also when it gets really cold.” Did I tell you how badly it hurt when it was cold? Oh my gosh. There was a week where the temperature dropped pretty low (for where I live) and I told Court “I think there’s a screw in my chin that is frozen and it HURTS!” He pooh-poohed me…and we went on our merry way.

Dr. Li heard this and stopped in his tracks. “It hurts when it’s cold?” Yup.

He went over to his little computer and pulled up my xrays. He looked at them, then looked at me…then looked at them and put one finger up…he looked at me, then the xrays, then back to me and zeroed that finger in to my chin–OW!!! “That’s a screw.” He explained that because in some people (like me) the amount he had to move the jaw was so extreme that he was unable to make the screws flush with the bone and had to go in at an angle. So the pain I am feeling will never go away so long as I have those two screws in my chin. He also said that in Scandinavian countries they ALWAYS remove the screws after the jaw is healed…because of the cold.

So I have a choice. Move to Hawaii and never get below 55F. Or stay here and deal with the week a year of pain…never go to Tahoe… (oh and did I mention that it hurts when I kiss my Pookie and his chin point and my chin point get intimate?). Or get the screws removed…which does involve cutting of things and more healing of things…but is a minor procedure because he can do it in his office under conscious sedation. Grr. I know how this will end. Don’t you?

Aloha!

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Today I see Dr. Li. First time this year. I’m fat…so he’ll not be too proud of me. But I started going to the gym on Tues. And I went on Wed…and I am sore, so SOMETHING is working. I go with Nicholas the slave driver. he asked me how I was feeling yesterday and I said sore but not to sore and he said that means he can push me harder next time. I politely declined (I think my exact words were: nooooo!!!!!!!!!!), to which he replied, “I want you to hate me the next day!!! THEN we’ll know we’re doing good.”

Yeah. Gotta love friends. We’ve named our gym mission Operation: Jiggly Puff. Okay that’s mine, His is Operation Jiggly Pecs.

Okay. I’m off.

I have been remiss…not an entry or even a squeak since the nuclear eggs incident. I guess I kind of assume…who wants to know? Then people ask. And then more people ask. And I feel bad for not posting to begin with…and then I think “Oh it’s been too long…” and blah blah blah…the end result is me under my covers hiding from the world like the scared procrastinator I am. So here. I give you: My Upper Endoscopy. (please, hold your applause)

The final frontier of GI specialist world (for now) was my upper endoscopy. That’s the one they did after the LOWER sigmoidoscopy and the “how long does it take your gamma ray eggs to evacuate?” test. The last was far easier in that 1. they “consciously” sedated me and 2. I didn’t have to eat or drink anything nasty to prep. Nope, the only prep was that I had to stop eating and drinking at midnight the night before the procedure to ensure an empty stomach. No problem.

At 5pm I was eating at Fresh Choice and by 5:30 I was done…so being that it takes 6 hours for the average stomach to empty (and the nuclear egg test had concluded that I was normal) and my procedure was 15 hours later, you can imagine my surprise (and my doctor’s when he discovered) when I woke up and my doctor said, “Your stomach wasn’t empty.”

eh?

“I found salad.”

I was about to say, “I ate at Fresh Choice!” but he beat me to it and said, “From Fresh Choice.”

I was stunned. How did he know? Did they brand their lettuce? Then I realised that conscious sedation thing meant he’d probably had that conversation with me at least twice by now. I just didn’t remember. A few days later I got a call from him (what is up with my doctors calling me to see how I am? When did this thing happen? Has the world gone nuts? How can I have the 3 doctors in the world who care enough to do that? I am NOT complaining) and he said he was really glad we did the upper endoscopy or we never would have known my stomach didn’t empty in 6 hours (since the eggs lied). NOT that anyone came to any conclusions, unfortunately. The prognosis is: Shelby, you do not have cancer or an ulcer or anything else we can test for right now. Nothing is swollen. Nothing is broken. You have nausea and that sucks. Eat small meals frequently. Take these drugs (prilosec, prevacid and reglan if it gets bad). Your side pain…well, maybe it’s the siamese twin you never had. Who the f knows. Nonetheless, I am managing. And I have no scopes in my immediate future (except the green stuff that helps prevent plaque).

On the braces front: I went to see Dr. Quo and told her I felt like my teeth didn’t touch in the back on my left and she unfortunately confirmed that and said my bite had slipped…So now I get the old school retainer (which I wouldn’t have minded having to begin with) and maybe some “buttons” in the back to pull my teeth together again. I think “buttons” are probably brackets on some teeth but not enough to call “braces”. You know how I missed those cheek spreaders. So they took a mold (peppermint flavor) and I looked like I had made out with a patch of wet cement, and I will see them again in 2-3 weeks when we will start working on my teeth again. OH! Did I mention my ortho sent out a calendar and it was all client pix and I made the back cover?! Yeah baby.

So, today…Christmas Day…2007. Hard to imagine exactly a year ago I was preparing to go to bed wearing a CPAP machine FOR THE LAST TIME.

In all my CPAP chinstrap glory

Pre-Knife (or was it a hacksaw? How DO they cut through bone these days?)

The Recovery Begins

Day 2

The Day (2 months post op) I tried to eat Pizza (yes, I was frustrated, how can you tell?)

The Day Nicholas brought me LIQUID CANDY. mmmmmmm

All I needed was my cat and my drugs.

Ah, sweet sleep…and sweeter dreams. NOTE: Lack of CPAP machine. w00t!

Best Holiday Wishes to all of you and yours…and Sweetest Dreams Possible.

Love,

Shelby

OOOOooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh  I got it, I ate it…I chewed…got it all over my teethses….and then I had ANOTHER PIECE.  Yeah baby.  Livin’ la vida loca!