Shelby Cass’s Weblog

Alas, the tickets purchased with glee months and months ago have left the building without me tonight.  Eddie Izzard in SF…I sent Courtland and the other 5 tickets into the world where C, R&D, EV and some lucky street ticket purchaser will by now be sitting in velvet chairs laughing their asses off to the rhymes and reasoning of Mr. Eddie Izzard.  And so I write…But don’t feel sorry for me (unless your feeling sorry for me makes Eddie stop by apres show for a drink or something) because I am going to share the story behind the infamous Shelby and Eddie boob grab picture.  And even if I have already shared this (which I know I probably have)…I don’t care!  Leave me be.  I’m on opiates, not at the show, so reliving the good old days.

Here’s how the story begins:  I’d just been dumped.  REALLY DUMPED.  Like right on my ass and found out I didn’t bounce dumped.  And it sucked.  One of the first phone calls I made was to C who, as it turns out, was probably the best person I could have called.  The next day, she called back and said, “I was thinking.  If I had just been dumped and had crawled under my bed to sulk, I might want someone to take me to see Eddie Izzard.”  To which I replied (read: wailed), “I CAN’T!  My eyes are PUFFY!!!!!” Banter banter, babble whine, hang up.  Called back maybe 20 seconds later and said “Um.  Can I still go?”

Eddie had just gotten his new boobs.  The ones I hear were modeled after Uma Thurman’s…  and his show “Sexie” spent a large amount of time talking about said breasts, executive transvestitism, and airplane cabin pressure.  I laughed.  And I laughed.  And I laughed.  I gufawed more than a few times.  I may have peed in my pants a little.  It was awesome.  And to make things AWESOMER, turns out our buddy Warren had procured BACKSTAGE PASSES, and I had talked and walked someone into buying a disposable camera at the corner Walgreeens.  So there we were with Eddie and my friends who are loud mouth smart asses were SILENT.  Like little kids looking at their first TRex.  It was stunning.  There we were, in Eddie Izzard’s dressing room…and he was all tired post show and my friends were all wired and star-struck post-show and I was all I-could-give-a-flying flock-of-sheep post-dumping so I said, “Aren’t we going to take a picture?”

We stood together and *snap* it was done.  I felt less than exhilerated.  I thought it would look like our 3rd grade picture with Mrs. Izzard.

So I said, “can we do another?  But with more action?”  And everyone kind of looked at me blankly…and it occurs to me they were possibly mortified I’d been invited.  I said, “Since a lot of the show was about breasts, let’s all hold our breasts for the picture…and I’ll hold Eddie’s.”  To which Eddie replied, “You can try.”  “Pardon?”  “You can try.”  I accepted the challenge.  1-2 grab boob-3 click.

Then Eddie turned to me and said, “Well…?  How was it?”

I turned blond.  “How was what?”  he motioned towards his ample busoms and I exclaimed “Oh!  Right!  Well, actually I wasn’t paying attention.  Do you mind?”  I reached forward and he offered breast.

I compared…with what I had on hand (my own).  Squeeze, jiggle…heft… “Pretty good!”
“Really?” he says, and I say “Yes.  Here..” and offer my breast (as a lady should).

He compared.  Squeeze, jiggle, heft…”They’re perky!.”

“Mine?” (oops, blond moment again)

“AND mine…” he says.  Right we were talking about his…so then I cannot help it.  I must…and I did…and here you are.

My dad was so proud.

memories….light the corners of my mind…(sung a al Tom Hanks in Big)

First of all, I had my sleep study.  And I wanted to share, as is my nature

That was Sunday night.  Monday I was TIRED.  I did dream a lot so I know I slept, but sheesh, I was awake more than asleep that’s for sure.  On Monday morning when the tech was removing the electrodes and as much glue as possible from my head, I asked “Can you tell me if I had any events?  He paused and said “You had a lot of hypopneas.  Well, that explained the headaches and the fatigue, but I figured it still had to be TONS better than before my surgery, right?

Had my preliminary study faxed to Dr. Li who called me on my way to work on Thursday morning.  Here’s the conversation (on my headset of course):

DL: Shelby, this is Dr. Li!

me: Yes.  Hi Dr. Li.  How are you?

DL: Shelby.  You still have sleep apnea!

me: Can I swear?

DL: Yes

me: F***************CK!  Ok thank you.

And then we went on to talk about things like me coming in to see him on Monday at 3:30 and him looking at my airway to see if tonsils need to come out.  And he also said “Shelby, I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear.”  I said “I have to wear the freaking machine.”  He said “No.  You have to lose weight.”  And I said I’ve never had a problem with hearing that.  And he said “Yes you did!  We were fighting!…Oh wait, oh yeah, we were fighting because…”  And I said “Yes.  We were fighting because you said Courtland was leaving me for a younger model.”  And he said “Oh yeah.  Ok.  So: More sushi, less pasta.”

I went to work and was sad.  Not because of the sushi prescription which I could do in a hearbeat, but because…what do you mean I still have sleep apnea?  Then again, now I know why I kept looking at Court on the weekends and saying “I don’t know what it is, I could just sleep all day.

On my way home I called Dr. Li’s office and asked Daisy…or Juanita (I cannot remember who had to bear the bad news) what my number was.  I figured if it was originally 43 (when I had zero body fat because I was dying) it should be at least down to 20 or something post surgery (yes I know I’m a big girl right now)…but I was NOT prepared for the number: 34.8

That’s all I have to say.  Until after Monday when Dr. Li looks at my airway I cannot deal.

Keep in mind I am happier and healthier than I have ever been…so even this cannot change that.  Have a wonderful and safe 4th of July! I’m BBQing some ribs with Court and Cynthia and David’s coming over later.  We’ve got Lego Indiana Jones on the Wii and the sun is out.  Plenty to keep my mind of Suckfest 2008…but hey…maybe if he removes my tonsils I’ll lose weight *giggle*

I’m so glad I wrote about the sleep apnea surgery I had…because I keep learning every day that it helps people…even in the littlest ways. Like, just letting them know someone’s been there, done that… The other day I received a comment on a very old post from a guy about to have the same MMA/GA I had who, it turns out, works down the street from where I live. He asked if I would mind meeting him for lunch sometime, so of course I said yes. I mean, I kind of had to. He caught all my Morrissey references. Did you?

So, we met at Luna’s…I never say no to Mexican food, and well, John is awesome…and I am so excited for him. Not because he’s getting surged (though it’s by the amazing Dr. Li so I’m not at all worried), but that he’s going to start his healing journey soon…and I look forward to hearing or reading all about it. We talked about the “chin bonus” of the surgery, but overall, we just talked about life with sleep apnea and the things that will most likely change when it fades into the background. John is also a mashup king and had made me 2 discs of his faves. Super score!

I did take a picture…and I can look at it on my camera, but my computer no likee, so you no see. Sorry. I’ll check with John and if he’s cool with it, I’ll mention his blog next entry. He’s writing his blog in letters to mom format which I think is awesome. (If only my mom would get online EVER. Court and I gave her my old computer but so far I think it’s probably being used as a stool for her to sit on.)

I saw hottie Dr. Steve yesterday and he polished up my theethses all nice and squeaky clean. He has a Shelby too. Have I mentioned that? Well, we all think it’s funny. They just had a baby (8 weeks ago) so I got to hear all about it. My teeth still don’t touch in the back on the left and I am really bummed about that, because I’m pretty sure it means more things attached to my teeth. grr arg.

This is more rambly than usual. Don’t know why. Guess the brain is here and there and occasionally pitches in a word or two.

I just got a picture today from some friends who had us over a little while ago. I think I might like it. What do you think? Here it is.

(taken by Sumul Shah )

This should satisfy those Mochi-watchers out there.  She’s only 1.5 lbs lighter than Rira now.  Crazy belly baby.

Today I saw hot Doctor Steve my dentist (he has a Shelby too) and he filled Mr. Crapity sans big needles full of numbing drugs.  I mean really, I’m still numb on my gums, a little nerve action shouldn’t bother me.  Actually, I don’t like getting numbed, so unless the doc knows they are going to touch/expose the nerve, I go numbless…  There were actually 3 people (including me) today who declined drugs in the office.  So I guess they’re crazy too.

Off to Hawaii in 3 days.  Life sucks.  Again I ask…how on earth did I get friends like the ones I have?  I mean, loan me your house in Hawaii?  Yeah…I dreamed that.

Aloha!!!

Today was my ultrasound of my kidneys. They made me drink 24 oz. water 1 hour before pressing very very hard on my belleh…that’s just mean! Well, I found out that more fluid=more pain. So I’d like not to do that again, except that they keep telling me to push fluids. Blech.

One would think (well, I was hoping) that with all this nausea and lack of appetite I would have squeaked a little closer to my OTT goal, but alas, I am still in the 149 range, though one morning I saw 147 and almost broke the scale jumping in excitement. So I guess that diet is on hold…or done with and the new one is called…Operation MMAniversary. So maybe one year after my date of surge (December 26, 2006) I will be the ALL NEW, ALL IMPROVED Super chomping and gleaming tooth action super hero I would have dreamed of being, if I could have had normal dreams. How’s that for a mouthful?

Speaking of a mouthful, I went to a movie yesterday called “Wrist Cutters. A Love Story” Okay yes, bad title…but AWESOME movie. And Tom Waites is in it, so…BONUS. I loved it…and you know what else I loved? POPCORN. A whole frikkin bag of it with MY NAME ON IT. I was shoving that stuff in and getting my hands all greasy and Courtland almost lost a finger trying to snag a kernel. Oh I was loving that. And then I flossed last night WITHOUT the stupid threader thingy…Heaven, I tell you. Absolute Heaven.

And just because I’m so excited to have slippy slidey teeth, I will show you again…

Had to check to make sure it wasn’t a dream.  Yeahoooooo!!!!!

Dr. Quo said, and I believe, that my braces come off today. So here are the last pictures EVER taken of me with braces…(so far)

OUTTA HERE!!!!

Dreaming of slippery teeth…ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Last I saw Dr. Li he told me that getting up in the middle of the night and shining light (via the computer monitor) directly onto my retinas was probably one of the worst things I could do for insomnia…and so I stopped. As a result, yes I sleep more per night…wake up, pout that I cannot get on the computer, pout a little more, then fall asleep again…but I have also sadly neglected my blog. And so here I am.

Happy Halloween!!!

From the Ergo Elf

Elf Costume + Elvis Glasses = Elfis

Oh Dr Quo how I do love thee, despite the pain thou dost inflict upon me. I can’t help it. She’s so sweet! And everyone who works there is an angel, so I LOVE going…but I don’t so much love how I feel for a few days afterwards. Always a trade. Kind of like this kidney infection sucked big time, but since any pressure on my kidney from my stomach caused immediate pain/pukeage I had to eat much less and consequently got down to 151.5 for a moment!!!! That means I’m down 10 pounds!!! Hooray sick diet!

So this is what the good Dr. Quo did to me today:

One full week of this she says, but after 3 days I shouldn’t hurt as much. As much? Well, she explained with a kind of apologetic pained expression that my teeth were going to hurt A LOT…possibly more than they did when I FIRST GOT BRACES. Wow. I knew I should have eaten breakfast. By the time I got to work the throbbing in the head had begun and I couldn’t get pills into my mouth without un-banding (which I didn’t want to do). My boss and co-workers are wonderful and supportive and told me to get the H out of there since my job is talking and that wasn’t working well. I did some work, came home, and got some pain meds down. I’m just going to say this is all for the best and at least it’s all happening in one big fat chunk instead of sporadically. Right?

Ooh, here’s some fun news. Court bought me Guitar Hero the 80’s edition. Rock on sistah! I REALLY didn’t like the music on the first one…too heavy…hurt my head. But my new friend Lisa showed me the song list on the 80’s version (How can you say no to “Turning Japanese” and anything Oingo Boingo?), so I sat my butt down and rocked it. Mochi helped.

On a less pleasant note, I have officially confirmed my suspicions that the smell of leather makes me VERY nauseated, especially in a car, or probably any confined not extremely ventilated space.  Add a the stop start stop start of traffic, and you’ve got me tossing my cookies on the side of the highway.  That’s hot.  NOT!  Friday night it was raining, my friend Lisa picked me up, and the second I got into her car I felt REALLY bad. Leather seats have always been a problem for me, but I think since Dr. Li fixed my deviated septum and gave me ultra super smell power +5, it’s just plain unbearable. I wonder what that is. Allergy? On the one hand, I’m thrilled to be breathing better, but on the other, I had uber sensitive scent picking-uping nose before, and the more air in with each inhale thing makes stinky times EXTRA STINKY. I was hypnotized once by The Amazing Alexander. He told me his breath smelled like a rose and I couldnt’ get close enough. Then he told me his breath was horrible and foul and I gagged and almost uked on him and he had to quickly tell me the smell was gone. Maybe I need to get hypnotized to not be bothered by smells because Court is severely bummed now since the he was hoping his next car would have leather seats.

What to do…what to do… For now I think I’ll just concentrate on healing everywhere. Maybe if I get really in shape I’ll just run alongside the new leather-seated car. hahhaah

Just thought it was time for a picture.