To Anne About to have her own MMA
*************
Anne,
Well congrats on getting that date set! My first advice to you is to grab a piece of fruit, open your mouth, and take a big bite. Revel in that. When’s the big day? I’m so excited for you. Not for the first part of post-surgery, but the part where the rest of your life is a different color called AWAKE. The good news about post surgery is 1. You’re on drugs (not that they make you feel good, but without them….yeah, don’t go there) and 2. Your body will forget the pain. As much physical pain as you will experience and endure, you will remember the emotional aspect far longer than the physical, so I think your best approach is one of positivity. Because it WILL get better…and better…and better.
Who will be taking care of you, besides your much needed bassett hound? I’m thinking the person who will go through the most emotional turmoil immediately post-op is going to be your partner. Perhaps creating a few special meaning signs to communicate your gratefulness would be good prep. I learned the sign for Thank you (which involves getting your hand really close to your chin so watch out!) and sometimes that was all I could do, but it was something.
The first couple weeks you won’t be “eating” anything. It’s mostly syringe work and getting the calories and protein in. That’s where the Ensure and such comes in handy. As soon as you’re able to get your mouth open and possibly get “real” food in, you’ll get pretty tired pretty quickly, so make every bite worth it. I became Queen of scrambled eggs. May sound odd, but when I was little my dad put cream cheese in scrambled eggs and it was HEAVEN. Cream cheese in scrambled eggs is a bit of a decadence now, but post op…so worth it. One other thing I liked when I couldn’t quite muster much jaw action was cheese soup. I felt like I was really eating something solid…and add a little enchilada sauce. Instant liquid cheese enchilada minus the tortilla. I’m partial to Mexican food though, so take that as you will, with a salt lick or a jalapeno or something. Go to Penzey’s spices online and order…you know…spices. I made Italian eggs, Mexican eggs, French eggs…actually I have no idea how one might make french eggs…add garlic and snails? Anyhow, I loved me some spices. But that was once my mouth could handle spices. Honestly, for the first couple weeks you’ll be bland bland Central. Trader Joe’s has awesome chicken broth. Oh, one Trader Joe’s soup I LOVED was Ginger something Broth…so good. In general, Trader Joe’s had the best selection of interesting broths, so go there and have fun.
I became a regular in the baby food aisle…but again, that was once I could open my mouth.
My biggest advice is to get an alarm clock or 10 and set them for when you need to take your drugs. You do NOT want to get behind on pain management. Ask whoever is taking care of you to bring food/liquid whether you ask or not.
What else? Reading material will do you very little good. Instead, invest in seasons of your favorite shows. In my case, Court actually ordered cable for me (we don’t watch regular tv, only dvds) with DVR so I could record all the lame ass shows I wanted and watch them when no one else was around. I became a big fan of Bobby Flay from Boy Meets Grill. As if I could even imagine eating BBQ anytime near post-op, but it was fun to watch. After 2 months I asked him to cancel it (there is such a thing as too much trash tv) but it was SO worth it.
Get a pill crusher.
Get children’s liquid motrin (COSTCO sells it in bulk)
No citrus…your mouth will have open wounds for a long time, so don’t go doing shots of tobasco anytime soon. I guess, if that’s your thing, do some now ’cause it will be a while before you can again. So also, eat lots of oranges and spicy food now. If you need a suck a lemon, do that now too because I think they’re in season. 
My fave Indian restaurant was nice enough to send sauces home with Court. Sometimes the flavor just hits the spot. One night I NEEDED salt so I drank pickle juice. Listen to your body and give it what it wants.
Do you have a laptop? I did NOT want to get up and sit at a computer so I was all set up on my chaise with my laptop and that was very nice. Bookmark www.cuteoverload.com in case you’re feeling down and need to see horribly cute things.
Don’t encourage people to come over. The drugs you’ll be on will be challenging enough. Trying to concentrate on entertaining could be a little too much.
Oh…do all the jumping jacks you want to right now. And maybe ride a roller coaster or go on the bumper cars.
If there’s any chance you may get in a bar brawl, do it before surgery.
Other things to do before surgery:
Get a pedicure.
Get a haircut.
One word: pizza
Enter a hot dog eating contest.
Make no plans for at least a month post-surgery.
yawn REALLY BIG and enjoy it!
Enjoy your sneezes too.
Get yodeling out of your system.
This is a long post and now I’m hungry.
chomp
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:40 pm eHi Shelby. I don’t know if you remember me or not but we conversed a bit when you were newly-chinned. I have been reading your site regularly even though I haven’t commented alot. You are funny chick.Well, I am glad to tell you that I have a surgery date! Do you have any advice for someone two months from having surgery. I have the blenders (stick and regular) and advice on what to make to eat. I have my white board and case of chapstick. I am borrowing a recliner from my folks so I will have a place to hang out that is really comfy during the post-op time. I don’t have a kitty (DH is allergic) but I have a Bassett Hound that is pretty good company.
I like your idea of Operation Birthday Suit - where it isn’t so much a competition as assured mutual destruction or success.